There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."
Funny Stuff!!
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London.
The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude," she said. "Can't you see my dog is sitting there?" He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down," he said. The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude — you are arrogant too."
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, "Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?" The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious!"
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up.
"Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand,and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."
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MoreYo Momma Jokes.....
yo' mama's like a television, even a 2 year-old can turn her on!
yo mamma's like a video game, three men for a quarter !
Yo Momma is Like a Shotgun...One Cock it blows!
Yo Momma is Like a Bubblegum Machine...Five Cents a Blow!
yo mamma's like pizza pizza, thirty minutes or its free!
yo mamma's like a a radio station, anybody can pick her up especially late at night!
yo mama's like a bowling ball, she gets picked up, thrown in the gutter,
yo mamma's like lettuce, 25 cents per head
yo' mama's like a racecar, she burns fifty rubbers a day
yo mamma's so ugly when she masterbates she gets arrested for cruelty to animals !
yo mamma's so tall she did a cartwheel and kicked Jesus in the chin!
Yo' Mama's So Fat Jokes.....
whenever she goes swimming in the ocean, baby whales can be seen nursing on her breasts
when someone yells "Kool-Aide", she comes crashing through the wall.
she can't take pictures... she takes POSTERS!
she broke the family tree!
if she was missing, they couldn't put her on a milk carton, they put her on a MILK TRUCK!
when she wears high heels, she strikes oil!
the last time she saw 90210 was when it was on her bathroom scale.
she uses a mattress for a Kotex
she makes King Kong look like a baby chimp
even Arsenio couldn't kiss all her butt
she uses a roll of Bounty and a rope for a tampon
she showers at a car wash
when your father mounts her, his ears pop
she's on both sides of the family!
her picture wieghs 10 pounds!
yo' mama's so fat , her diaphragms come in a Domino's pizza box
when she goes to the beach, she's the only one who gets a tan
she uses a hula hoop as a pinkie ring
if she bent over, they could show two movies on her butt
when she dances the band skips
I could go bungie jumping with the elastic from her underwear
when she wears a red dress, everyone yells, "Hey Kool-Aid!"
her clothes have stretch marks
her nickname is "eclipse"!
she got her own atmosphere
when she sits around the house, she REALLY sits around the house
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